Ready, set, go!

I have this little thing, if I say something out loud, then I have to do it. So I am saying this at the top of my lungs. Shouting it so loud I have no choice but to see it through. It's a biggun! A fairly lofty, but I believe attainable goal; 4 by 44!

huh?

I want to be back in a size 4 by my 44th birthday - which is October 1st.

A wee bit o' history here... my weight and I haven't always had the best relationship. You could put it in the dysfunctional category. I can't blame Weight entirely. I've been responsible for many of the arguments. But since we moved to Colorado, it's been a downward spiral. Shortly after Shawn and I got married, I started doing some fertility hoo ha. That alone can pack on some heat, but add to that some "I'm just getting by body ready for a baby" excuse fest and you can go from a size 2 to a size 10 pretty easily. So here I am, not at my physical best.

There are a three reasons I want to hit my goal.

1) My husband. He met and married someone - me. And the me he married was confident, sexy, and loved to be seen. The me he comes home to now has changed her name to Poca Hotmess. I use the "busy mom" excuse to wear awful clothes (and by awful, I mean the same ugly t-shirt a few days in a row), no make up and baseball hats. I have zero confidence, I'm certainly not sexy and I try desperately to only be seen from the neck up or the knee down. The me I use to be was an adventurous hoot in the sack. The me I am now doesn't want to be naked in front of him. It ain't fair. A friend of mine once said he proposed to Marie Osmond, but wound up married to Roseanne Barr. I don't want my guy to feel like that - ever!

2) My son. Being an older mom, time and energy become increasingly harder to come by. I want to make sure I have plenty for him. I want my time on this planet to be energized so I can be engaged and active in his life. I don't want to sit and wave as he passes by. I want to be on the crazy ride with him. I want to participate in his growing up, not be a spectator. And pictures... this one kind of breaks my heart. I want him to have tons of pictures from his childhood. I want him to have a million happy images of our family so he can keep memories alive. I'm off to a good start as far as taking those pictures goes, but the problem is, I'm not in them. Right now I hate having my picture taken - hate it! I hide behind people in group photos. I say, "You two go over there, I'll take it" when we're out having adventures. Not cool. Not cool at all. I want my little guy to see me laughing and having fun with him, so he can remember how much I love him and how much fun we've had together.

3) Me. I miss me. I miss feeling good about myself. I miss shopping. I miss getting dressed up and looking hot. I miss feeling like there was nothing I couldn't do. I miss going out with friends and feeling equal. I miss sweaty, rockin sex. I miss going on auditions. I miss performing without fear. I miss being proud of my work. I miss being in front of a camera. I miss being arm candy. I miss wanting to meet new people. I miss being the first to jump up and say "Sure! let's do this!" to anything that came my way. It sucks hiding from the world, my family and myself.

So, that's why I'm doing this. This here platform is gonna keep me accountable. I'm gonna use it to keep me on track and on target. Hope you don't mind. Hope some of you take the journey with me. My plan o' action is basically to do it the old fashioned way - diet and exercise. Six days a week of working out and a 75/25 approach to eating.

So here's to some ass kicking!!
Cheers!