Sunday, July 22, 2012

Page 20

Wow!!! What a day!!!!!

I started off with a nice run, 2.27 miles. The incredible part is, I shaved another minute off my pace!!! I actually got down to 10:24!!!!! I can't believe it!!! Must have been the music... I don't know what it was, to be honest. I'm just elated... and shocked.

I came home and the guys were still asleep, so I had some quiet time to myself. It was glorious. I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. And loved every minute. Once the little fella got up things got busier, but I clung to the memory of the calm before my storm. After coffee and cereal, I spent most of the day preparing for the night - both mentally and physically getting ready. I got in a good hot shower - yay!! Curled my hair and got all gussied up. It was so nice getting dressed!! The little shift I put on didn't "fit" like it usually does. Fabulous!!! I still rocked it. Just rocked it with some room. I went over my song a hundred times, kissed my guys and headed off to the theatre.

The event I was performing in was a fundraiser for The Vintage Theatre. It was an evening of songs from musicals, but they were supposed to be songs you would never be cast to do. Men singing women's songs, older folks (i.e. myself) doing leads and ingenue roles, characters way out of the realm of possibility. It's a cool concept and made for a smashing show!! I didn't know what to expect. There were no rehearsals until that day. I didn't know anyone I was performing with. Nothing. I was just thrilled to be a part of it. I had no idea how thrilling the whole thing would be!!!

The people who took that stage were some of Denver's theatre elite. Major heavy hitters in the Colorado musical theatre world. Veterans. They were remarkable and breathtaking. I couldn't believe I was sharing a spot with them. They were also kind and generous and fun and witty and all around fantastic! I chewed every moment with them. I wanted more and more and more. Simply could not get enough and did not want it to end. It was like I was their biggest fan and not their equal. I was intimidated and honored at the same time.

It's been quite a while since I've done any musical theatre. I mean quite a while. Years actually. The last thing I did was an original show called Bubs. It was a great show, but unconventional and I mostly sang ensemble in it. I've fronted plenty of bands. I've sang at grillions of events. But this was musical theatre - an animal unlike any other. I felt very fish out of waterish. I was more nervous about performing in front of the performers than the audience. Trying to contain myself was not proving effective. So I had to have a Peter Reigert moment. A wha? Ok, let me explain...

A few years ago one of my plays was being produced at The Berkshire Playwright's Lab Opening Gala. It was a big deal. A very big deal. My piece was alongside brand new works by David Mamet, Eric Bogosian, Larry Gelbhart, Joe Cacaci and others. I was the only unknown on the bill. The people on stage in these plays were the likes of Karen Allen, Peter Reigert, Dan Lauria, David Rasche and some of the most incredible talent I have ever had the privilege to know. This was the major poop kitten fest of my life. Nothing but "holy cows" all around. I have never been so intimidated. It just felt like I didn't belong. Like I somehow conned my way into this and was in way over my head.

I spent a week in The Berkshires. A whole week getting to know these people. We rehearsed and dined and chatted and danced. Crazy!! At first, I was terrified. Had no idea what to say or how to act or anything. One night, we were all sitting in a hotel watching a basketball game. Peter Reigert was sitting right next to me. About halfway through the game he leaned over and started talking to me and changed my whole experience. He called me out. He saw what I was feeling and put a stop to it. He reminded me why I was there. He said I wasn't there as a charity case, no one was taking  pity on me. I was there because my work was good. I earned it. And then he told me to own it. I was an equal. Every moment after that was different. I walked through the rest of my time there on the same ground as every one else. I didn't float above or drudge below. I walked right alongside.

Last night I needed Peter in my ear, in my head. I got him there long enough to perform. Seemed like I did a good job. Unfortunately he left as soon as the show was over and I became an idiot fan all over again....

Feeling like I deserve something is hard. Feeling like I belong is a challenge. I always over compensate and go for the crazy, for the inappropriate, for the laugh. Yes, it's a part of me, but it isn't who I really am. Why can't I let her out in these situations? Why does the loud, overbearing insanity take over? OK...well... there's something else to work on, I guess. Who knew this little blog about a fitness challenge was gonna turn into my therapy session?

Food, my other issue - breakfast, 1/4 bowl of cereal with 1% milk. Lunch, left over chicken fajita meat and rice. Dinner, one almond brownie, one snickerdoolde cookie, one glass of red wine, one slice of pizza. Yeah... that happened....

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