Saturday, September 29, 2012

Pages 3 - 6

Well it has been a good week. Not perfect, but heading in the right direction and for that I am grateful and proud.

As you know I worked out on Monday and didn't on Tuesday. I got in some good sweat on Wednesday in a Melissa class and Thursday got my ass kicked in a Maura class. Holy sheep shit!! I haven't experienced a Maura class and now I have to keep going back for more!!!! It was hill day and I felt every step and every muscle. It was incredible!!! It was awesome to be so challenged! Not that Amanda and Melissa don't challenge. They do! Oh yes, they do! It's just this was an extra challenge. A good extra challenge. The combination of these gals is amazing!! So glad I get to experience them all!!! On top of all the ass kicking hill training, I of course was plagued with flat tires. Me and flat tires.. what the hell? I got the flat on the Bob fixed. Hooray and thank you Shawn! But I had both Ava and Pax on Thursday, so it was double stroller time and of course the double stroller had to have double flats. Yay for me! Also, I'm finding out how much nicer it is to have a front wheel that swivels. The Bob yes! The double, not so much. Two kids, two flats, no swivel and hills. I think I got my workout.

Friday's exercise wasn't quite so intense. It was actually on the meh side. Ok, it was on the barely there side. Pax had soccer and since he hasn't quite gotten into the spirit of the game, I play along with him. I know, I know.... hear me out. He wasn't having so much fun and spent a good portion of the time crying or sitting in my lap watching the other kids. I was thinking about calling it quits when I talked to some other moms. They said they had very similar experiences with their little ones. Some kids jump in, some need to wade in. One mom told me she played with her son the first several weeks until he showed signs that he was enjoying himself and wanted to go it alone. The coach was completely cool with it and so I'm following in her footsteps. I spent my Friday morning running up and down the hill, around the field and weaving in and out of poles holding Pax's hand and trying to get him to kick the ball. I got a little glisten on my skin, but not what I would deem a good sweat. Waa waa...

Saturday! Hooray!!! I ran! Weee!!! I ran!!! I have to admit, I was pretty nervous about running. It's been weeks since I got in a good solid run. Actually, I think it's been over a month. Come to think of it, if I am recalling correctly, the last good run I had was in Texas. Damn! Maybe that's why I haven't really pushed for it. Maybe that's why I have let the excuse monster win a few battles. I was worried. Worried it would suck. Worried I lost my mojo. Worried I'd be starting all over from scratch. I let fear take the reins. Not good Kimosabe. So this afternoon, after a lovely playdate with some great pals, Pax, Bob and I headed for Sloan's lake. I told myself at the start that if I needed to, I could cut myself a little slack. It has been a while. It's like I was mentally preparing myself for failure. I said if I needed to walk after a mile, then I needed to walk after a mile, but at least get in a mile. I set my Nike ap, power walked down to my starting line and hit "begin workout". Started off a little huffy puffy, but pushed through it. Thank you to Joe Jackson for getting me off on the right rhythmic foot. Mile one came up and I felt great. No need to walk. Keep swimming. Passed my half way marker (the playground on the south side of the lake). Still felt great. Keep swimming. Next thing I know I hear, "Two miles"coming from my iphone. Sweet! I did it!!! At this point I cut myself a small bit of slack and paused my workout. I celebrated by drinking some water and walking maybe a quarter of a mile. I got to the straight away by the beach and "resumed my workout". When I saw my victory hill I knew I was officially back in the saddle. I pushed up that bugger with Wayne Coyne singing, "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" This is what I needed!! Mojo has been found!! I crossed my finish line with a smile. 2.44 miles of running. Not a great pace, but that's ok. I put one foot in front of the other and kept going. I did it. I'm back.

I have a new goal. I want to not only reach my size four, but I want to amp up my workouts. I figure I can get 3-4 SS classes in each week and at least 3 runs in each week. No reason not to. No reason I can't. I want to be the best me I can be. This isn't just about looking a certain way. This is about feeling a certain way. Feeling comfortable in my skin. Feeling proud of myself. Feeling healthy. Feeling fit. Feeling good.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Page 2

Oh the situational poetry of life..

So yesterday was my first day aiding at Pax's preschool. In case ya dunno - Pax attends a cooperative preschool two hours a week on Tuesdays. It's awesome! Since it is a co-op, I have to aid in the classroom one class a month and serve on a committee. So happy to do it! Yesterday was my day. It was awesome!

The bummer was that I couldn't do SS. Ok. I planned for little bear and I to get up early and ride the bike to school. Nope. Rain. That also took out running there and back. Ok, I'll run later. Nope. Running was taken off the table when Pax got bit by an enormous turtle. I thought he broke his little pointer finger! It was mangled and swollen and he wouldn't move it. Yes, I played the part of panicky mommy. A few hours and buckets of tears later, he fell asleep on me. I didn't dare move, and to be honest I kind of didn't want to move. I think we both needed a break.

My next plan of action was to go down to the basement and use my Sworkit ap after Shawn got home from work. Pax woke up, I got laundry going, house all shiny, dinner planned and prepped. This was gonna work. Shawn got home. Hooray! I asked if he would play with Pax upstairs while I worked out downstairs. His response was, "Aw man. Can it wait? Let me get settled and do fix the frog tank first". Ok. I can do that. How about I'll get dinner started and then go downstairs while you kind of help with the sides? "Aw man. Can't you do it after dinner? I've had a long day." Ok. Not the best way to go about this, but sure. I finish dinner. Pax and Shawn are almost finished with dinner. I suggest the two of them playing while I go downstairs. "Aw man. I was hoping to get him in bed early so we could watch The Avengers" (the movie he was super excited to bring home and share with me) Ok. I'll just figure something out... sigh...

It was really nice sharing the movie together. It was a good movie, but what made it great was Shawn.

Today I'll simply double up. Looks like the rain is clearing away. I'll do SS this morning and run this afternoon.

Food was better yesterday. Skipped breakfast. Had a cup of coffee. Lunch, Greek yogurt and granola. Snack, Greek yogurt and granola. Dinner, small piece of chicken, rice and corn. Not enough water and a glass of 1% with dinner.

Here's to today's double up!!!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Chapter 2 Page 1

My ass took a beating in August and September. From being sick to scoring a job to doing a show to traveling to Texas to two consecutive losses in my family, I was really taken out of the game. And now I sit here staring at the calendar, incredibly disappointed and yet still hopeful.

I'm a week away from 44 and miles away from 4. I will not make the original deadline. That is a hard thing to admit. It is a hard thing to realize. It is a hard thing to accept. The one thing I will not accept is defeat.

Something I noticed in the shenanigans that kept punching me in the face and gut the past couple of months is this; rhythm is everything. I need rhythm. If I am out of sync, nothing works. I can handle syncopation. I just can't hang with the kind of middle aged white guy tearing up the dance floor to a bad wedding DJ's ode to the 80's type of hoo ha I have been experiencing lately. No rhythm what so ever!

I discovered this need back when I first started running. Every time I went out with the gang during the 5K training last spring, the leaders would always shout out, "get your rhythm!" Yeah, yeah, whatever.. was my initital thought. All I could think to do was survive till the whistle blew. Rhythm schmhythym. If my feet were following each other and I was making some sort of forward progression, I thought I was doing it. WRONG! It didn't hit me till I started doing this slightly OCD thing of counting my steps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. Things started to move a little easier. My pace picked up. My breathing got better. The space between whistles was less grueling. Maybe there was something to the rhythm crap. Then the bolt of lightening hit the day I ran with itunes. Holy poop kittens. It was as though the heavens parted and angels carried me through my run while singing "Aaaahhhh!!!!" Ok, it wasn't like that. Not even remotely. But, it was better. And it kept getting better. Rhythm became an integral part of my success. It became the glue that held everything together - from exercise, to getting through my day, to keeping my sanity. So when the bottom fell out and the rhythm spilled all over the floor, nothing was held together. Nothing.

The struggle to get back has been finding my rhythm again. Finding my pace, my beat. Even my schedule got a big ole wrench in it. That is until one workout last week. It was an Amanda class. I don't know what it was, but I felt it. I felt the drum beating again. I felt the urge to stay in time, or to pull time like a fine jazz musician. Staying in the measure, but picking it up just enough to make it interesting. And a one and a two and a three. And a one-e and a two-e and three-e. I started doing faster reps to double my exercise again. Yes! I was back in the swing! It felt fanfreakintastic!

I still had some schedule sorting to do, so my official back to it full swing didn't happen until today. And the good news... it happened. Great workout this morning. Full tires, on time, full energy, big sweat. All good. The new schedule is gonna be wonky, but I think it can work. I just have to make it work.

M - SS
T - SS for three weeks out of the month, bike ride or run for one week of the month
W - SS
TH - run
F - run
Sa - run
Su - rest

My diet has changed too. A good SS friend told me all about the glories of Greek yogurt. She lost 4 lbs and one inch pretty quickly. (not that she needed to, she's pretty diesel) So, today I started that as well. I didn't eat the serving at breakfast, cause I hadn't been to the store yet, so I just had a cup of coffee. For lunch I did the yogurt and granola. I'll have an Arbonne chew for snack and a small plate of spaghetti for dinner. Water (fizzy & non) and milk only.

I'm in this people. Hope I didn't disappoint you all too much. I disappointed myself, but I have a choice to make. Either get back in and do this thing, or fail. I won't fail. Failure is not an option. It was a bump in the road, a big ass bump, but I'm still on the road. Feel free to kick my ass. Feel free to offer encouragement or motivation. I need both. On that note, here is a little Lady M for ya...

"Screw your courage to the sticking place and we'll not fail!"

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Page 53

Yay! Back in the swing!

The excuse monster was sucker punching me all morning. Woke up late, Pax didn't want to eat, I had a project, flat tire, tired, grumpy, yada yada... But I pulled a Rocky Balboa. I just wasn't going down. No matter what, I was going to get my workout in! I made it to SS. Late, but made it! And I had a new friend.

Meet Bob. Oh Bob. One of my favorite people, Bri, introduced me to Bob. My life will never be the same. I'd seen Bob around town. Always thought he was a little stuck up. Never knew what the big deal was. Well now I know. Oh Bob. Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob. Bob is glorious. He's everything I've ever wanted without knowing that I wanted it. And I so want it. He's strong and sturdy. I feel safe with Bob. And yet he has a soft touch. He's a light weight. He's easy to push around. And boy oh boy, can he run! Plus, he ain't so bad to look at. I feel kind of sassy standing next to him. Yes, I think I'm in love. I love my new Bob Revolution stroller!!!

My dear friend gave me her old single since she now needs a double. It was too generous, but I am eternally grateful. It folds so beautifully in my car and I swear as I was running yesterday I heard bands of cherubs singing hallelujah! This thing is so effortless, I almost feel like I'm cheating. It just goes where I want it to. No fight. No struggle. No cussing. And it's so tall! I ran upright! I was breathing better and my back wasn't killing me. I was even a little faster. Like a 5 year old trying on new shoes, I swear I ran faster! This is the beginning of a beautiful love affair. I could almost make out with this thing I lerf it so much. Thank you Bri!!!!

Of course we played on the playground after our really great workout with Melissa. It was super fun and Pax was super adorable. Afterwards we grabbed some lunch and headed home. The day was normal. I love normal. It felt so good to finally have a normal, plain, average day. Aaaaahhhhhh.....

Food was meh. Cheerios for breakfast. Salad for lunch. Chicken, pasta and mixed veg for dinner. Snacked on an Arbonne chew, a carrot and the tiniest bite of fudge. Drank water (one fizzy), one glass of 1% milk and a hot chocolate with my guys before bed.

It's nice to be back. :o)

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Page 52

I lost another week. Ok. I have a few of choices here. Beat myself up, quit, color everything rosy and pretend all is well, or learn from my mistakes and move forward. I choose the latter.

The one thing I have to remember, I have to stay focused on - this is not just a short term goal. This is a life change. So I'm changing my life again today and will continue to change it every day, whether I do right or wrong. I'm not having a "do over" I'm having a "move forward". Today will just be better than yesterday. Tomorrow will be better than that.

I had some big bumps in my road. The key is to stay on the road. I can sit on the side of it for a spell. I can fall in the middle of it. I can also run the length of it. I can face the road head on and take each step as it comes. Fast, slow, somewhere in between, I just have to keep going. Do. Not. Quit.

So hello today. I'm looking you in the eye. I will do this. I will succeed. I will own my life. I will own my body and my mind. Things may alter. Things will change. There will be yings and yangs. There will be ebbs and flows. But I will keep going. I will. I am.