My ass took a beating in August and September. From being sick to scoring a job to doing a show to traveling to Texas to two consecutive losses in my family, I was really taken out of the game. And now I sit here staring at the calendar, incredibly disappointed and yet still hopeful.
I'm a week away from 44 and miles away from 4. I will not make the original deadline. That is a hard thing to admit. It is a hard thing to realize. It is a hard thing to accept. The one thing I will not accept is defeat.
Something I noticed in the shenanigans that kept punching me in the face and gut the past couple of months is this; rhythm is everything. I need rhythm. If I am out of sync, nothing works. I can handle syncopation. I just can't hang with the kind of middle aged white guy tearing up the dance floor to a bad wedding DJ's ode to the 80's type of hoo ha I have been experiencing lately. No rhythm what so ever!
I discovered this need back when I first started running. Every time I went out with the gang during the 5K training last spring, the leaders would always shout out, "get your rhythm!" Yeah, yeah, whatever.. was my initital thought. All I could think to do was survive till the whistle blew. Rhythm schmhythym. If my feet were following each other and I was making some sort of forward progression, I thought I was doing it. WRONG! It didn't hit me till I started doing this slightly OCD thing of counting my steps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. Things started to move a little easier. My pace picked up. My breathing got better. The space between whistles was less grueling. Maybe there was something to the rhythm crap. Then the bolt of lightening hit the day I ran with itunes. Holy poop kittens. It was as though the heavens parted and angels carried me through my run while singing "Aaaahhhh!!!!" Ok, it wasn't like that. Not even remotely. But, it was better. And it kept getting better. Rhythm became an integral part of my success. It became the glue that held everything together - from exercise, to getting through my day, to keeping my sanity. So when the bottom fell out and the rhythm spilled all over the floor, nothing was held together. Nothing.
The struggle to get back has been finding my rhythm again. Finding my pace, my beat. Even my schedule got a big ole wrench in it. That is until one workout last week. It was an Amanda class. I don't know what it was, but I felt it. I felt the drum beating again. I felt the urge to stay in time, or to pull time like a fine jazz musician. Staying in the measure, but picking it up just enough to make it interesting. And a one and a two and a three. And a one-e and a two-e and three-e. I started doing faster reps to double my exercise again. Yes! I was back in the swing! It felt fanfreakintastic!
I still had some schedule sorting to do, so my official back to it full swing didn't happen until today. And the good news... it happened. Great workout this morning. Full tires, on time, full energy, big sweat. All good. The new schedule is gonna be wonky, but I think it can work. I just have to make it work.
M - SS
T - SS for three weeks out of the month, bike ride or run for one week of the month
W - SS
TH - run
F - run
Sa - run
Su - rest
My diet has changed too. A good SS friend told me all about the glories of Greek yogurt. She lost 4 lbs and one inch pretty quickly. (not that she needed to, she's pretty diesel) So, today I started that as well. I didn't eat the serving at breakfast, cause I hadn't been to the store yet, so I just had a cup of coffee. For lunch I did the yogurt and granola. I'll have an Arbonne chew for snack and a small plate of spaghetti for dinner. Water (fizzy & non) and milk only.
I'm in this people. Hope I didn't disappoint you all too much. I disappointed myself, but I have a choice to make. Either get back in and do this thing, or fail. I won't fail. Failure is not an option. It was a bump in the road, a big ass bump, but I'm still on the road. Feel free to kick my ass. Feel free to offer encouragement or motivation. I need both. On that note, here is a little Lady M for ya...
"Screw your courage to the sticking place and we'll not fail!"