Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Let it go, let it go!!
Next week not only begins a new year, but a new me. Next week I'm letting go of my lady bits. Saying so long to my plumbing. It's going to be a doosey of a day and a big ole hill to climb for about 4-6 weeks, but I'm looking at this from a positive place. A place of great change. A place of, "ok, let's do this". It's sort of my own "make it work" moment.
The honest part of me has to admit I'm scared. Actually, more scared than I thought I was going to be. Had a nightmare last night. Was sick to my stomach and shaking before my pre-op appointment this morning - where we found out it's going to be a bit bigger of a surgery than we originally anticipated. I'll probably be scared for a while. I wan't quite sure what I was scared of until my husband asked. Then I had to name it. I had to narrow it down and recognize it.
Turns out, I'm not so afraid of the surgery or the pain or the recovery. I'm afraid of me. Of a new me. Of a person I don't recognize as me. Since the whole kit and caboodle are coming out, I'm headed straight for Instapause. No easy slide into "the change". I'm getting a good solid gut punch of here it is. And that is scary. We've all heard the jokes and the stories.
So... now what.
When I stated my fear out loud, I sort of found myself figuring it out. My perspective began organizing a way, a path to head towards. My guy nodded in agreement as I spoke of taking this as a milestone and using it to put me on a road to better health. Then he looked me in the eye and said, "Well you're going to change. You can either own that change or be owned by it." My senses tunneled in and took those words straight to my heart. He's right. He's absolutely right. I have the ability to own this and to make my life better. Make it what I want it to be. I can own this change.
So... that's what.
It's a bit of kismet that I recently won a 21 day health challenge package. I can use that as the kickstart to an upward trajectory of consciousness - conscious of eating habits, food choices, fitness goals, exercise, movement, outlook, thought processes, mood, general approach to life and happiness.
I can't say how much of this process I'll document or share. All I know is that I'm putting this out there right now. All I know is what I hope to do. What I do know is none of this is going to be easy, but the good stuff rarely is. I'll probably fall at some point. Maybe more than once... or a dozen times. If you see me on the ground, you're welcome to lend me a hand, kick my ass or just shout, "get up!" I'll appreciate you for it, even if I'm grumbling as I say thank you.
Here's to a transformative 2016! Transforming for the better!